I'd really appreciate any prayers/thoughts that you all would send this way.  My friend James (yes, the ex James) texted messaged me at 6:30 tonight, saying that is grandma only had about a day to live.  I know that James's mom has been going through some REALLY tough things in her life lately, and I'm really worried about her.  And James.  But I'm always worried about James.

And while we're on the subject of death... I decided for once not to make my Poetry Thursday writing something warm and fuzzy.  Since my grandpa and then my aunt passed away, I have't really FELT warm, or fuzzy.  I feel angry, hurt... and extremely guilty.  The "if only"s and "what if"s and "should have"s have become overwhelming.  I decided today that the guilt screaming inside me could no longer be ignored... or it would kill me.  And as I took the guilt out to analyze it... this is what came to me.

Guilt

In the river of life, guilt lurks unseen
Silently, it attaches itself to us
We don't even realize that it's there
In the murky waters it grows
We adjust our movements
Unconsciously
Compensating for it's growing weight
Slowly we notice a weariness
Each step is laborous
Our strength seems almost gone
Peering into the water, we recognize our guilt
Exhaustedly we struggle to break free

We pick up the guilt, hold it in our hands
Wondering what to do with it

Some throw the guilt at another
"It's all your fault!!!" they scream
But two can play at that game
And the guilt is always tossed back

Others clutch it fatalisticly to their chest
Embracing it's weight
They sink to the miry depths
Never to return

But a few are truly wise
Throwing the guilt down to the bottom of the river,
They jump on top of the guilt
And let it become a springboard
Launching them into new waters
Where guilt cannot follow