Was reading a post at Marilyns AW blog, (gosh, she's inspired TWO posts today... impressive!) and it got me to thinking. 

*quietly pushing up glasses and then folding hands to look wise*

The AW book describes blurts as basically being negative voices that come up to keep you from doing positive things. (well, okay, that's the JanaBanana digest condensed version... but whatever!)  This week we're supposed to be replacing our blurts with affirmations.  (positive statements... like if your blurt is "I am the supidest person ever." then your affirmation would be "I am very intelligent."

My biggest blurt at the moment is: "I'm plain."  I've always felt plain.  When I was in high school, i tried to make a look out of it.  Baggy t-shirts with crazy sayings, ugly cordoroy pants, hair straight down... We were kinda poor, so really there weren't that many looks available.. LOL but there were looks better than THAT look. 

Now, as an adult, I still feel plain.  I feel plain on the outside, but way more importantly I feel plain on the INSIDE.  I'm anal-retentive, my emotions are repressed while in public, I'm shy... just generally not too impressive of a person until I know you.  My Censor (the one saying the negative stuff) tells me that I'm plain, everything I do is plain, I can never be creative, or have friends, or look cute, or succeed in crazy hairdos... because I'm plain, and plain people can't do those things.  At best, they just look silly.

But after much pondering, I discovered that there are a LOT of things about me that are NOT plain in any way.  So, as a form of therapy, I'm making a list.

I'm not plain because:

I have cute sparkly hairthings.
I have two sweaters with sparkles in them.
I've learned to use glitter glue.
I'm making crazy colors of yarn into hairthings.
I love to travel.
I love foreign languages, foreign people, foreign cultures, foreign religions, foreign foods...
I'm not at all afraid to try new things.
I'm very dramatic in general, very expressive when I type or even when I talk, if I know you well enough to be comfortable.
Amish people consider me to be worldly in the way I act, the way I dress, and the things I do! Hahahaha
I love documentaries.
I love to drive, alone, to new places far away.  
I love to hike, alone, anyplace I can find.
I love nature, photography, and cemeteries.
My laugh is nuts, people tease me about it ALL the time.
Kids love me.
I love to make others laugh, tho it takes a while for people to "get" my sense of humor... perhaps because they don't expect such dry, dark, sarcasm from someone so small and cute?
I love foreign movies... not your snotty kind, but crazy wierd ones from India or Iran.

So as I'm describing myself to myself, i don't SOUND that plain? Hmmm... maybe I need to relax and let my outside reflect my inner exoticness? And get the courage to wear the more fashionable clothes that are sitting in my closet, cause I'm afraid to wear anything that umm... not plain?  LOL